Saturday, May 24, 2008

The Promise of the Future - The Burden of the Past

Just came back from a jog through the woods and along the shore line. Probably 4km. Feels pretty good to do that without coughing up a lung.

This is one of the few times in my life that I can say I'm exactly where I should be. I can feel it and I'm not going to let it get away before squeezing every ounce of life out of it.

Last summer when Grandfather Fire came over to the Island to play a show in Naniamo, standing on the deck of the Horseshoe Bay ferry, I had the intense feeling that I was going home. Many things have changed since then. I was looking forward to that feeling this time, but it never came.

The last few times I've left Calgary, a weight was lifted off my shoulders as if I could float. In the past, my home has been guilty of dragging me down.

This time, I was leaving town pulling the weight of all the great things I was leaving behind. dik, glimm, beerwolf, j-rod, my bro, mom, dad, rimmer, evan, j-bone, ben, k-dawg, ramin, adele, anna, chad, greg/molly, on and on and on (if yr name's not here, I love you almost as much as these people....:). Even work was hard to leave.

Leaving town, I was spurred on by what lay ahead. The promise of the future. However, the burden of the past has always haunted me. Kept me from moving forward.

One of the things I learned through the dark months this winter was how devastating being stuck in the present can be. It was bad.

Well, the last couple weeks before I left, I was completely overwhelmed by how great life is. Just ask Pete or Marco. Sitting on the front stoop of 2617, my excitement could not be contained. I've come alive for the first time in five months.

Most of you know I'm an emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and eyes and voice. I've often wished for that to go away. To not feel so much. However, I had an epiphany a couple months ago. I don't just feel and express sadness with intensity, at times I can hardly contain my enthusiasm or excitement. Liz once told me that she loved when I told stories about my friends because I got this sparkle to my eye. If I'm telling a story about something I think is funny, I can hardly wait to get to the end. It usually wrecks the punch line. Makes it sort of anti-climactic.

Being stuck in this moment feels pretty good.

Anyways, enough about me. What's yr deal?

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