Monday, June 23, 2008

Hard to Say Goodbye. At Least I'm Not Wearing a Tie

I just sat on my spot on the beach for the last time. The sun going down. The air caught under yesterday's seaweed wash releasing and causing the sea to boil.

It is so easy to centre myself when I sit on the shoreline. I was having some winter thoughts this afternoon but they're gone now.

I'm heading "home" in a couple days. It's really hard for me to say goodbye. You make plans to see the other again, but they rarely pan out. Went for supper with Brian and Stinni tonight at the Sandbar and I felt a nagging melancholy, yet I was enjoying our time.

I may be contradicting a previous post, but it feels good to meaningfully connect with other people in such a short amount of time. There is something universally good in that. All of us have that in us to give and accept. Well, most of us anyways.

I've changed in the past four weeks. You could study my face and hands and voice for signs of change, but you will come up short. It is inside me.

I don't have the words to explain and I can't prove it, so you'll have to trust me.

However, I will only see the difference these changes will make as I enter whatever rhythm of life I create for myself back "home". I also know there are countless changes I will never recognize.

To be honest, doing this blog has had a huge role in this. I just read through all of my posts (something I haven't done along the way). Sort of like my life flashing before my eyes. Obviously, there is so much more I've experienced and I could have written a book about the characters at the school. That wouldn't have been fun to read. Besides, I've saved the best parts to tell you in person....

The focus has been my internal world, with a side focus on the guitar. I've been as honest as I think you could stomach.

I hope it hasn't been too much. I hope what you've read comes across as someone who loves life too much to let it go by without thinking about it. I'm not this intense all the time. In my head, I started to think that this stuff was immature. Like, if I'm an adult, how come I haven't figured it out yet. I think I still possess innocence as opposed to immaturity.

This is starting to sound like I'm already saying goodbye. Not yet.

There's still a lot to be done on the guitar before I leave Tuesday.

Here's a pictorial of my weekend:

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